THE SELF IN ART: FOOD FOR THOUGHT AND HOME TRUTHS
- Haydn Dickenson
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
I hate clichés; and there I go, spouting two of them in my title.
Those closest to me know that I cannot paint at the moment. I'll avoid a third cliché by refraining from saying I'm 'not inspired' (oops – I just did it) because it really goes deeper than that. There are substantial reasons why my soul just can't get there right now. I comfort myself in the knowledge that the artistic realm is littered with practitioners who are or have been unable to paint, compose, write or whatever; for whatever reasons, and for however long, - often for years.
Occasionally I experience a pang, a mild itch, to go through those familiar studio rituals, to smell the paint, to make wild marks, but a large canvas loiters, silent and bashful in my cold studio, its face turned to the wall. The pangs subside fast – they no longer feel like love, nor like lust; they are more like faceless calls to perform expected physical acts.
Most people don't understand – they just fire back with more clichés - “Ah, but it's your passion! What's wrong? Don't you need to paint? Keep creating, Haydn!” The answer is no. I talked to one artist friend about it recently; she understood perfectly.
It is a sad situation, but it's also OK. 'It' will come back if it is right for it to do so. Meanwhile, my creative outlets nestle and are nourished elsewhere. There will be some big changes in my life over the coming six months. I believe the art-shift reflects that fact, and excitingly so.
Of course, I still think about art, and consume it constantly in its many forms; listening to music, teaching music, reading, writing poetry, taking photographs as if possessed, visiting galleries. Today I came across a beautiful clip from an interview with the magnificent lady that is Tracey Emin.
We all know how polarising art can be – thank God that is so – but there has long been a general tendency to deride Tracey Emin for sensationalism and vulgarity. The entire articulate, provocative, honest and beautiful interview mentioned above can be seen here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QE4HmIUM4jE&t=1552s, but the clip that I saw first started at around the 22-minute mark.
Chords twanged inside me when I heard Tracey speak of the colossal importance of the Self in the creation of art. I know that I have written in the past that I believe I am a channel, rather than a maker, that 'It Paints', rather than 'I paint' https://www.artfullyabstractedblog.com/post/it-paints and I continue to believe that. I also know, though, that only I am that channel, and only I can be, at that moment in time. My stance represents no ego-trip, but an embracing of the Self as Creator, even if by proxy.
We abstractionists are used to onslaughts such as “I could do that” or “My four-year-old could do that” or the newest one (and possibly the saddest) “AI could do that”. Really though, that is never the point. Only I did it, and the outpouring, of whatever quality it is, can and could only come from me, as the conduit.
Thank you, Dame Tracey.
Oh, and on the subject of 'Quality', shall we talk some day about Robert M Pirsig's discussions on the subject in ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE (pub. William Morrow and Company, 1974)?
THE SELF IN ART: FOOD FOR THOUGHT AND HOME TRUTHS Copyright Haydn Dickenson 2025
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